Oh Yeah, and I Have Two Monkeys In My Pants

Oh Yeah, and I Have Two Monkeys In My Pants
Stop it, that tickles!
Grabbed from the Charlotte Observer (previously in The Weekly Haggis):

Monkeys in his pants put man in jail
Smuggling attempt ends with confession; primates now in zoo

LOS ANGELES – Robert John Cusack smuggled into the United States a pair of endangered pygmy monkeys. In his pants.

On June 13, Ho Truong, a U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service special agent, was called to Los Angeles International Airport after Cusack was stopped by U.S. Customs on arrival from Thailand. Officials soon discovered that Cusack, 45, had four endangered birds of paradise and 50 protected orchids.

“When one of the inspectors opened up his luggage, one of the birds flew out,” Truong said. “He had to go catch the bird.”

After finding the other purloined birds and exotic flowers, the inspectors asked: “Do you have anything else you should tell us about?”

According to Truong, Cusack answered: “Yes, I’ve got monkeys in my pants.”

They patted Cusack down to check for weapons, then asked for the lorises, rare primates native to Vietnam, Laos and Cambodia.

The big-eyed, stubby-tailed creatures about the size of a baseball are now in the nursery at the Los Angeles Zoo.

Cusack was sentenced to 57 days in jail — time already served. Under a plea agreement, he was ordered to donate more than $11,500 to a facility for primates.