Albums You’ll Never Want To Hear

I discovered this thread through Fark.com‘s link to UK’s The Sun website. Usually the purveyor of quality british porn and tabloid celebrity stories, they have simply outdone theirself on this one. I proudly present:

ALBUMS YOU’LL NEVER WANT TO HEAR:
But will probably find in the bargain bin at Half Price Books

I can’t tell what type of music this is, but just by the looks of the cross-eyed doofus on the cover, I can already tell that it’s horrible, whatever it is. Can you borrow a feeling, Cody? No, but you can borrow $5 for a haircut. We can work on the corrective vision later.

Now, I really don’t understand the concept for this cover. Is this his underage lover and he’s trying to break it off with her before his wife finds out? What exactly is going on in this photo? I’m not sure, but for some reason it makes me really uncomfortable.

Holy christ, this is the most horrendous thing i’ve ever seen on an album. Not only does the freakin dummy give me the heebie-geebies, but the whole concept for an album with a singing DUMMY makes me want to stop writing this article and hide under my desk in the fetal position. Trees can’t talk. That’s just silly.

And last, and certainly least, I bring you the artist (and I use that term loosely) known only as the ubiquitous “Joyce”. I imagine that the content of the album is nothing but her spouting off 12 tracks of hardcore gansta rap. Strange though.. I never knew that Tootsie made an album.

These were only four of the twelve that were posted on the site in one of the most hilarious slide shows i’ve seen. If you want to check out the rest of the gallery of malcontents, click here to read the whole article.