The Troubled Life of Amy Winehouse

I’ve professed my love for the Wino before (a few times, actually), and today satire newspaper/website The Onion has an article about her troubled life, and the warning signs that we should have all seen.

And so I present The Onion’s “The Troubled Life of Amy Winehouse“:

Friends and family have been in the news recently urging British pop singer Amy Winehouse to quit using drugs, saying that she has a problem. What have the warning signs been?

• Follow-up single to “Rehab” was “Big Fat Lid of Black Tar Heroin”
• Beehive hairdo occasionally drops baggies, spoons, poppy plantations
• Always in good mood or bad mood
• Keith Richards seen leaving her flat looking defeated
• Constantly screams “God, I love taking drugs!”
• Before a show at the Hammersmith Apollo in London, Winehouse refused to go on until the stage had been cleared of all the four-headed snakes and ghosts of her ancestors
• Her music thus far is pretty cool

My favorite line: “until the stage had been cleared of all the four-headed snakes and ghosts of her ancestors.” Brilliant. Effing brilliant.